the heart is deceitful above all things [entries|friends|calendar] TIRAMISU [ website | me ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[02 Dec 2006|09:10am] burnt out. floods

[27 Nov 2006|09:32pm] i'm numb. it's been mulling over in my head again and again, twisting and turning, and today on the bus ride home, it suddenly exploded. pure hatred, like i've never felt before. pure, undilated, anger.  how could anyone be so twisted and selfish? how could anyone be so unforgiving and arrogant, so self righteous? yeah, and you call me self righteous? because i was trying to get you to give him some respect? excuse me, please. who do you think you are? i was, and still am, shocked by this hypocrisy. get out. get the fuck outta my sight, i think i'll go crazy if i hafta deal with you anymore. haha, i think i am going crazy. tumbling down and down, my world is breaking up into pixels and pixels and tumbling and tumbling. trust? what trust? who to trust? there's nothing but plain stupidity here. only childish people here. grow up, grow up, grow up. they're crucifying him with thorns of misplaced hate, they're blinded by their own righteousness.  i haven't done anything wrong. he hasn't done anything wrong. we haven't done anything wrong. they've been creating a huge problem outta this, outta nothing. just because he isn't what you wanted. just because you're been babied all your life.  you outta duckwalk 5000 miles for all the crap you put him through. this matter has consumed me. i don't know what's right, i don't know what's wrong, don't know who's right, how they know they're right... don't know what to do... i wish i didn't have to deal with this... you're going to say, 'blah blah, at least you don't have my problem.' blah, blah. at least you don't have my problem. i'm scared. i'm scared to act, to move, to breathe, i'm scared i'm going to make the wrong choice; i'm scared of the future, i'm so uncertain, so frightened... oh god... how could you let everything come to this?

[07 Nov 2006|10:17am] So, uh. I realized I od'ed on work. First off, college apps. Then it's: Anthropology Project - 12/11 Coffeehouse - 12/22 (must write script for skit) Retreat - 12/27-31 (MAJOR PLANNING TO DO.) SING - (do i really want to do dance?) KPOP for FON Ijime for FON  if i drop kpop and sing, i think i can handle it... I just wish I knew how to read notes better for Ijime. I don't want to ask people for help because it seems like such a burden on them, ya'know? 1 raindrop|floods

[14 Jul 2006|08:07am] friends only. ♥ floods

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